NOTE: NAUGHTY DOUBLE-ENTENDRES AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN DULY WARNED! IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF “DOUBLE-ENTENDRE” OR “DULY,” YOU ARE NOT MATURE ENOUGH TO READ THIS POST!
So, my dear husband has been joking for YEARS now that “Swallow” is a terrible name for an attorney, and he was a mite put-off that the citizens of the State of Utah saw fit to elect a man so-named to the post of Attorney General of our great state. Now, every time my dear, dear husband would make the “Swallow” joke, I would roll my eyes and tell him to get his mind out of the gutter, but after this last week’s series of unfortunate events involving Attorney General John Swallow, I can’t help but think that poor Mr. Swallow’s place in the universe is all one big, naughty joke.
To summarize briefly, a man named Jeremy Johnson (who is facing a number of federal fraud charges) alleges that John Swallow helped him come up with a plan to bribe Nevada Senator Harry Reid in an attempt to get the Feds off of Johnson’s back (Swallow denies this, of course).
So, thus far we have a man named “Johnson” “fingering” a man named “Swallow” in an attempt to bribe a man named “Harry.” Harry, Johnson, and Swallow. What THIS group needs is a Richard…
WAIT! There IS one: Richard Rawle, the recently-deceased owner of payday loan company Check City, who Johnson claims was supposed to be the go-between with Reid, and who signed a likely-not-legally-admissable deathbed declaration denying the whole affair.
Now everybody (including Swallow) is asking the U.S. Attorney’s Office to investigate, and one can’t help but wonder which of these players will get off on a technicality. At least none of them lives on Morning Glory Road*. Let the debriefings begin!
Utah: you gotta love our pubic….er….public officials.
*This article is rife with double-entendres, including yet another Johnson, and a councilwoman who says, “I can’t speak for the others, but in my situation I wouldn’t bring [the slang term for Morning Glory] up.” [emphasis added]